There is a story about a Hasidic rabbi with many students who were Hazzanim - cantors. On the Shabbat before these holidays began, they would gather at the rabbis court to receive a blessing. They hoped all of their prayers would be accepted by the Heavens, as they prayed on behalf of the people. Once, one of the Hazzanim entered quickly; he was anxious and eager to get his blessing from the rabbi and leave. The rabbi approached him slowly and calmly asked him why he was in such a hurry. Annoyed, the Hazzan replied, “I have to get home to finish going through the Machzor, to look at my notes, to make sure I sing the melodies perfectly, to practice.” The rabbi replied to him, “My student, you’ve been a Hazzan for years! The words in the machzor have stayed the same; your notes in the margins have not changed. You know the melodies. It is all the same as last year. You, however, are not the same as you were a year ago. In these days before the holiday, look at yourself; look at your own life.”
I am not the same as I was a year ago. You are not the same. Our not-same-ness is different; the challenges of the world have affected us differently, and the individual ways that our lives took turns shaped us in different ways. And yet we come together, to join in our not-same-ness, as a unit, as a people. We connect in this experience to say that you are not alone in your not-same-ness; I see you in it. I’m with you in it; I hold you in it.
We show up in our whites, in a way, to expose ourselves. It’s painful, and it’s also the most real and raw we can be. We don’t hide the year we’ve had behind color and extravagance, we just show up. In our fullness. For ourselves to acknowledge the ways we’ve stayed the same and the ways that we are so, so different.
I hope I will see you tonight, and tomorrow, and when I do, I’ll know that you are not the same. And you’ll know that I’m not either. But we are here together, trying to start a new year, one that will hopefully not shape us in so many hard ways.
May we each merit a year ahead full of life and good health, full of happiness and blessing, and full of peace.
