Saturday night after Shabbat (and the wonderful Bar Mitzvah of Alec Feinman), I flew to Baltimore so I could attend, and officiate at, my younger brother Rafi's wedding. I landed at BWI around midnight, picked up my rental car, and arrived at my hotel about 2 am. After a few hours of sleep I awoke to prepare. Admittedly, I was nervous. This was only the 4th wedding I've done and my family would be in attendance.
The wedding itself was lovely. I've met Lauren, Rafi's wife, a few times before and they complement each other nicely. They're both very funny, and were laughing at and with each other all during the ceremony. Naturally, I and everyone who attended laughed along with them. We all had a wonderful time.
It was lovely to see friends and family. My uncle drove to Rochester and flew with my grandmother so she could attend. We should all be so amazing as my Savta at 98 years old! I reconnected with a few cousins, and it was nice to see Rafi and Lauren so happy, surrounded by their friends and loved ones.
My mother had a number of close friends, each of whom, along with their husbands, looked after me and my siblings following mom's death.
All five sets of our "surrogate parents" were there, and all of them came up to me afterwards and told me how much they enjoyed my officiating and how amazed they were that I'm no longer the little kid they remembered. One of them said, "Wow, you're a real person!" I'm glad to know at 37 years old, I've finally made it.
I've been thinking about that comment since the wedding.
The woman who said it to me wasn't just saying that i'm taller than I was as a child. I think she was commenting on the journey I've taken over the years, and how delighted she was to experience my wedding officiation. It was her way of saying, I see you - you've grown, you've matured, and what a wonderful person you've become.
I appreciated her comments. And I've been thinking about how all too often we don't take the time to really see people, to listen deeply and hear people's concerns. Too often we judge people by who they voted for, where they live, or whom they love instead of seeing each person as a unique individual. When we do that, we rob others of their individuality, of their personhood, and we rob ourselves of the gift of their presence in our lives.
This week our President-elect has been assembling his team of advisers and officials.Some have been ruminating about the need to register every Muslim living in the U.S. Jonathan Greenblatt, the Jewish CEO of the Anti-Defamation League, pledged that if such a list were established, he would register as a Muslim. A petition is circulating asking for others to commit to doing so as well. I signed my name. I hope you will add yours here:
I agree with Greenblatt's remarks - "we need to speak out wherever we see anti-Semitism and bigotry". Our people have known what it means to be forced to register. It's demeaning and cruel, and establishes unhealthy and inhumane power dynamics between those who are "in" and those who are "out". I spoke on Rosh Hashanah about the dangers of religion deciding who's in and who's out. Politicians doing it is equally bad.
I'm grateful for the ADL and many other organizations who are making it their business to hold the next administration to the highest levels of dignity and freedom for all. I truly hope that wiser minds will prevail, and if they don't, I'll be more than happy to side with my Muslim colleagues and friends in declaring that all who dwell in this country are real people and deserve to be treated as such.
Everyone deserves to be seen. Our Torah reading talks about Avraham seeing God and Sarah. "What does it mean to see one another," the Kotzker Rebbe asked? "It means to see the presence of the divine on the faces of all who we encounter."
May we all be blessed with the courage and the ability to listen, to really see one another, even with our differences. To be seen is a great gift - may we all have the blessing of being seen by others, and may we see the presence of God in all we meet.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Ilan
PS Hope to see you this coming Tuesday night as we begin a new adult education series on the Tribes of Israel. It might surprise you to know that the population of Israel is far from uniform. Who's living in Israel? How do they all interact? How can we get to know them, and Israel, better? Please join us for this new series Tuesday night at 7 pm.
Also, Trope Club will be meeting from 9:30-10 tomorrow morning, and Tefilateynu will begin at 11.
Hope to see some of you tonight at Shir Chadash, our musical service at 6.
As always, lots of great things happening here at Beth Sholom.
