March 22, 2024
12 Adar II 5784
Usually, the day leading up to Purim night, erev Purim, is commemorated as the fast of Esther. This year, however, with Purim being Saturday night, the fast was pushed up to Thursday (Jewish tradition doesn’t allow for fasting on either Friday or Shabbat). So today we are in somewhat of a limbo, a 2 day period launching up to Purim, from the fast yesterday until tomorrow night’s Purim celebrations. And I have been wondering, why do we even have this fast?
In the Purim story, before approaching King Achashveirosh, Esther said the following to Mordechai:
לֵךְ֩ כְּנ֨וֹס אֶת־כׇּל־הַיְּהוּדִ֜ים הַֽנִּמְצְאִ֣ים בְּשׁוּשָׁ֗ן וְצ֣וּמוּ עָ֠לַ֠י וְאַל־תֹּאכְל֨וּ וְאַל־תִּשְׁתּ֜וּ שְׁלֹ֤שֶׁת יָמִים֙ לַ֣יְלָה וָי֔וֹם גַּם־אֲנִ֥י וְנַעֲרֹתַ֖י אָצ֣וּם כֵּ֑ן וּבְכֵ֞ן אָב֤וֹא אֶל־הַמֶּ֙לֶךְ֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר לֹֽא־כַדָּ֔ת וְכַאֲשֶׁ֥ר אָבַ֖דְתִּי אָבָֽדְתִּי
“Go, assemble all the Jews who live in Shushan, and fast on my behalf; do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maidens will observe the same fast. Then I shall go to the king, though it is contrary to the law; and if I am lost, I am lost!”
In the context of the story it makes complete sense. The future of her people completely hung in the balance and she didn’t know how the story would end. She fasted because of the unknown, the precariousness of it all. But I’ve wondered - why do we still have the fast? We know they won! Why don’t we just celebrate the victory, why do we also have to remember the anguish that Esther experienced in arriving to that place?
I think the last part of her comment to Mordechai is so powerful, and we often gloss over it. “If I am lost, I am lost.” It’s not entirely clear what she means here, but I think it’s an acknowledgement that what’s at stake for her is not the same as the other people. Even if she succeeds, and the decree is reversed, she is still stuck as the Queen, in King Ahashveirosh’s palace. Even when, as the Megillah says, “the Jews enjoyed light and gladness, happiness and honor” (Esther 8:16), Esther was essentially a prisoner of the capricious King Ahashveirosh, despite the success and power of the Jewish people.
She knew from the beginning that even if she won in the mission, she was still lost. “If I am lost, I will be lost.” Her words to Mordechai in those moments before she approached the king take on new meaning. It’s not as a much “whatever happens, happens” but more of an acknowledgement that whatever happens with her mission, she is lost either way.
As I’m thinking about these repercussions for Esther, I’m realizing that it gives the fast some new meaning this year, and it’s what’s left sitting with me in these two days leading up to Purim. Even when we succeed, who will be left behind? It’s a reminder that even when are in places of comfort, even when we are ‘winning,’ there are people who are not. I am, of course, thinking about the hostages that are still in Gaza, brutally awaiting their return home. And I am also thinking of the people who get lost, who fall between the cracks, even in regular times. The people for whom, while the rest of us are at a Pesach seder, are home by themselves. The people who don’t show up for several weeks at shul and no one asks about them. The people who are just lost.
Esther’s words to Mordechai are a reminder to us each about the role that we play. Even when we succeed, even when we are doing okay, maybe it doesn’t have to be that there are those still lost. Our word is to ensure, every single day, that those who are lost one day are found, that our entire people are able to move from “grief to happiness, from mourning to festivity” (Esther 9:22).
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Sarit
