Jacob, awaiting meeting his long-lost brother Esav, isn’t exactly anticipating a loving, celebratory family reunion. The last contact they had was when Jacob stole Esav’s birthright blessing, so when he hears that Esav has 400 men with him, Jacob imagines the worst. God had promised him the Covenant and had promised him protection, and yet, the Torah tells us that Jacob is afraid.
The specific words that Torah here uses - Vayira Ya’akov Me’od - indicate that it wasn’t just that Jacob was scared. He was intensely, deeply, in his soul afraid. He has doubts about the outcome of the circumstance he is in, questions about his own life, and real fears about the future. The Midrash of Bereshit Rabbah (76:1) says that two of our greatest ancestors were given promises of security directly by God, and both of them were afraid. Jacob and Moses were both given this type of assurance from God, and yet, they were also afraid.
The recent surge of cases in Memphis has given me fear. The recent developments of the vaccine have given me hope. Both of these feelings exist inside of me in powerful ways.
God didn’t tell Jacob to not be afraid, and I don’t think God wants us to not be afraid either. I hope that our faith can be a response to our fear and need not negate it. We can have faith and also be afraid. We can have hope and also be worried. We can look towards the future and also have doubts. Navigating this tension is challenging, but when we use the fear as a spur to action it becomes a gesture of faith.
I can be overwhelmed by fear of this virus and its devastating effects on our world (which I often am), and I can also be motivated by that fear. I try, sometimes successfully and sometimes not, to not let the fear become debilitating. I try to use fear as a way of connecting with God or another person, as opposed to feeling more closed off and isolated. I try to act from the place of hope and faith to make donations to organizations doing important work and to check in on those I know are alone or sick. And I remember that Jacob still went forward. Jacob was afraid - very afraid - and yet he still marched forward to meet his brother. He didn’t know what the outcome would be, but he marched. I pray that we, too, have the ability to act from that place of hope, to move forward in faith.
Shabbat Shalom Rabbi Sarit
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